There’s really no escaping the horror of discovering your first grey pubic hair.

Man, you’re getting old-er

Okay, it’s not as serious as your left ball falling off. That’s just a short term issue.

My big issue with that first faded fucker is that it brings with it a daily reminder that finding yourself in a state of rest is now only reasonable if you’re either at a point of total exhaustion or enjoying a moment of self-indulgence.

There’s a reminder in the What Men Do Guide of Willy Loman, the hero of Arthur Miller’s play, “Death of a Salesman,” who, in seeking to explain the importance of purpose as a fundamental drive in a man’s life, says “a man can’t go out the way he came in; a man has to add up to something.”

A brilliant line revealing a poignant truth, particularly depressing when you’re holding that first grey little fucker between your thumb and forefinger.

That’s why I speak of your “lost ball” as a short-term issue. You get used to it and make the other one work doubly hard.

But you don’t need me to remind you of the once-a-day scenario following the discovery that there’s another one lurking in your bush.

A new constant has entered your life and it ain’t gonna go away. It’s like the memory of that first embarrassing shag when you lost not only your underwear (hey, it happens) but also your self-respect. Well, fleetingly. In passing, it’s okay for these erudite philosophers to preach the virtues to be gained from life experience, the heightened perceptions we will ultimately enjoy from having the

courage to expose our weaknesses, but we’re the ones left with the sweaty wake-ups, and the realization that one more day has simply “vamooshed,” seemingly without much purpose.

But you’re right-I’m being very negative about this. The daily discovery could be interpreted as yet another hairy treasure that just happened to have lost its original colour, come to remind you that time is ever fleeting-especially yours-and if you have any fancy ideas about leaving what they call these days, a “lasting legacy,” you’d better placate any tensions prompted by your nether regions and shift your ass.