What pillock was it who said size doesn’t matter? Bollocks to that! It does to me.
This isn’t new news – not to me, it isn’t. I’ve never spent a single day without wishing I’d a bigger cock. At school I used my ruler regularly to reassure myself it was still growing, but bugger, it was a slow job. I can’t tell you how many rulers I chucked away in disgust.
One day, during Physics, David Whitehouse caught me measuring and insisted we do his. Fortunately mine edged slightly longer but his circumference was thicker. As virgins, we settled on a
draw.
The thing is, I’m the only one who’s moaning. It isn’t as if a string of females have complained over the years that my tackle isn’t up to much. No-one’s said a dickie-bird, in fact I’ve usually
had an indication that a return visit would not be out of the question. It’s only me who’s quantity conscious.
And it isn’t because I’ve got big hands. I suppose if you’ve got big hand and a small knob, well every wank must give you a distorted view of things, but both my hands and my knob are pretty regular, ‘made for each other’ as y’might say.
So why do I continue to give myself unnecessary heartache when I’ve got lots of genuine stuff to worry about? Believe me, I only wish I could settle for what I’ve got, but the subject came up quite unexpectedly last week, indirectly thank goodness, via an incident with a guy at the office.
On Friday afternoon I twisted my back, and prepared for a weekend of pain prior to seeing the doctor. Sensing my plight, this guy said he had some pain killers with him and gave them to me.
As he handed them to me I pretended to have second thoughts and said, ‘hang on a minute; do these pills have any side effects; I mean, when you took ‘em did your balls start to shrivel?’
‘Quite the reverse’, was his
rejoinder, ‘they started to swell up.’
Quick as a flash I said, ‘Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! I’ve been searching for these fuckers for years!’
And we both
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laughed.
But afterwards I began to wonder at my instant response. I ask you, is my life going to be any different if my cock were double its present size? Will I feel compelled to up the number of visits to the gym, then take ages when I’m showering so the other guys can witness I’m a freak?
Okay, so I’m irrational. I guess I’ll just have to live with it.