The Father Problem

Following our recent blog on ‘The Mother Problem’ it has been suggested that we should tackle ‘The Father Problem’ as a kind of sequel blog. Personally I think this rather misses the point – much like a complaint we received that the Guide only spends two pages on Mother, whereas it spends eight discussing Father (never mind that those two pages are in praise of Mother, while the other eight are slagging off Father).

A Man’s relationship with his Mother and Father are two completely different bonds, which is why the

Father Problem is completely different from the Mother Problem. As previously discussed on this blog, The Mother Problem largely comes from the son’s inability to ‘let go of mummy’s hand’. The Father Problem largely comes from Father.

During your third seven-year cycle, as you increasingly develop beliefs, opinions and ambitions of your own, Father can suddenly find himself feeling he has no purpose left in your Life. As a child you saw him as the font of all knowledge but now you increasingly seem to know more than him on certain areas which can be very disconcerting for him – particularly if he hasn’t the maturity to grasp that respect and authority don’t come automatically with Fatherhood but need to be earned.

When a Father is incapable of facing the facts that his son has grown in to a Man as his intellectual and physical equal, and that he is no longer the infallible Zeus of yesterday, then often the Father Problem becomes one of Power. If your Father refuses to relinquish his dominance over you (which was necessary as you were younger and still learning right from wrong) then, sad to say it, you may have to take some time away from him before you can move forward in your Quest to find the Hero within you.

Equally, if you are unable to control the growing Power that your maturity endows you with, you may soon find yourself head to head with your Father in an Oedipus-esque battle for dominance – much like the newly adult Lion who defeats the head of the Pride, taking the position of head of the family by force.

So the Father Problem is about the balance of Power.

If he exerts his through force, well he can only blame himself if he ends up with a fat lip when you reach eighteen and are of equal strength to him – after all, we learn from Daddy.

If he relinquishes Power as you mature, recognise this as his maturity and acceptance that his son is now a Man, not as an invitation to dominate the family.

Which I suppose means that the main difference between the Father Problem and the Mother Problem is that every guy must face the Mother Problem in order to become a Man, but not every guy has to face the Father Problem.

If you’re one of those lucky enough to have avoided the problem then congratulations, but it was nothing to do with you – it was all down to your Father’s maturity and his ability to grow

alongside you, as well as his guidance which got you to this point.

If you have faced the problem, it’s possible that your Father isn’t completely to blame. Just like he needs to remember that you are an individual, likewise you need to remember the same about him. He can’t solve all your problems like he once could and his opinions will differ from yours, but that’s fine

The sooner you realise this, the sooner you may find yourself with a great new mate.

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