Increasingly I am coming to the conclusion that the WMD Guide is right on-the–button where it states Fear is every guy’s greatest enemy.
However, what I am less comfortable with is that many psychologists are of the opinion that the deepest Fears are those which relate to a guy losing control over himself. This is based on equating the idea of loss with that of becoming a victim and its implied loss of manliness.
I can see the connection between victimhood and
a reduced sense of manliness; I’m told (on good authority) that it’s a condition experienced by many guys when they get banged-up. However, I don’t quite understand why Fear should be such a major element provoking it. Surely, not being “in control” is an increasing part of life. (I’m visualizing being in the dentist’s chair or in a plane about to land.)
I had a personal experience of “losing control” yesterday which, frankly, is too embarrassing to speak of. Guys don’t like to talk seriously about sex, me included. Let’s just leave it that my “holding on” technique didn’t “hold on” long enough.
So, why would not “being in control” qualify as being a guy’s worst Fear? After all, what about Fate? Okay,
it doesn’t have that sour, negative, malevolent element that you can anticipate when Fear seeks to caress you with its tentacles, but Fate can certainly throw you for a loop. It can really mess up your plans, but with Fate, a guy just, well, deals with it.
After he’s finished cursing and whatever juvenile tantrums he’s re-working (the opportunity having presented itself) what does he do? He struggles, and copes.
Avid readers of the Guide—the guys who never leave home without it—know that Struggle gets high praise in the world of What Men Do. As it says in the Glossary:
Struggle-the relentless challenge whereby an Adult remains mentally and emotionally alive.
So, with the occasional intervention of Fate, a guy struggles and copes. But a sudden strike of Fear seems to automatically lead to a shriveling of the nuts, a lessening of Courage, and if its victim is going through a particularly rough patch (or, in some cases, if the Full Moon is on the horizon), a sense of defeat, sometimes almost of despair, can follow.
Thinking positively, I suppose you could say that Fear and Fate both present the same thing—challenge. If this is true, then it becomes a question of our response. In other words—Attitude. Invariably, our response to Fate is positive; to Fear, it’s negative.
There’s a great bit in the Guide about Attitude—based on the writings of Victor Frankl and his experiences in a Nazi concentration camp—how a positive Attitude embracing future plans gave some guys the will to survive the horror.
We really need to remember this when Fear pays us a visit. Put simply, Fear prompts a loss of Balls.