When I stand up to take a piss I get everything out.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been doing this – maybe forever – but it’s only recently I’ve become aware of it.

What I’ve come to realise is that I like the feel of my balls in my hand. So now I’m asking myself if this is another manifestation of my weirdness, NOT that I’m weirder than most guys, I suspect. Well, maybe to ‘Joe Average’ and his mates, but then I don’t think of them as Living, so much as only Existing.

Being a guy there’s so many human areas you have to learn to quietly quote understand unquote. For example, you don’t talk about your knob.

Well, maybe you do when you get old and you refer to it as ‘your waterworks’ so you can discus its ‘state of play’ – or otherwise. For younger guys though, you don’t talk about having your balls in your hand. It’s just not a talking point. What pleases me though, is that if I wanted to talk about it with my Friends, I could. They harbour no fears of my balls.

It chuffs me to write this because I suspect it isn’t true for most guys. I carry a growing prejudice that since the French know-all, Rene Descartes (1596 – 1650) came up with his big sound-bite, ‘I think therefore I am’, we’ve placed far too much emphasis on the (supposedly) superior status of the Thinking man.

I don’t mind ‘brain boxes’, but I think the pendulum of human values has become far too distorted against the Feeling and Sensing area which are both rooted below the neck. With the head now the big swinging dick, I reckon we’ve got the tail wagging the body.

But to return to my balls… the most recent joy of having ‘em in my hand was fifteen minutes ago. That’s when I had the urge to work out why I was getting off on it.

Was it erotic? Was I suddenly anxious for some action? No. So why don’t I just settle for pulling out the shaft of my tackle as I assume most guys do?

Having ‘em in my hand, I now realise, gives me a sense of who I am; that I’m unique, not a ‘Joe Average’, but a guy who has the courage to be himself. (Weird a little, maybe, but hey, I can handle that.)

‘They’re MY balls’, I say to myself, a healthy reminder that this is MY Life and I’m gonna live it My way.

P.S. Am I right – about most guys just settling for the shaft?